David Emery Online

Prepare to flee

23 July 2007

A simple, short thought today:

What if this is the end of the world?

Now, I don’t for a minute think that it is; in fact, the reverse is true – not only is it not the end of the world, but I don’t think any of this record-braking flooding is anything out of the ordinary. Sure, it hasn’t happened like this for 50 years, but so what? A big flood, based on a certain amount of meteorological coincidences, once every 50 years or so seems fairly reasonable to me.

Anyway.

I have a hunch that if the world has an end, in the traditional sense, it would be somewhat like this. No big, calamitous wave of water; no wall of flame circling the globe and certainly no clichéd horse men. There’s no way they won’t have got bored by now and jacked in the apocalypse trade; it just doesn’t make business sense.

Yes, a slow and gradual end is the most viable option.

First, some minor floods here and there. Then, another week or so later some more. And it keeps raining. No-one notices until it hits London, though, and by that point the rest of the UK is under water.

There are, of course, two problems with this doom scenario:

1) The Evening Standard will have been right.

2) Waterworld will turn out to be surprisingly accurate.

Which means we’re all going to grow gills, and act badly. Oh, and Diana’s death was a conspiracy.